how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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