I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
