if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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