u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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