I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize