I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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