just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
