just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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