there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
