last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize