shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
