How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
