"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
