I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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