Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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