How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
