Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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