It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize