I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
