I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently you make a good broom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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