I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
