I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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