His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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