I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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