Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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