yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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