If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
