We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
