dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
