I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
