Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How does it feel to date your dad?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
