she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
