just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
