I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
