He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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