Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
