SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
