I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
