I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
