People with herpes should wear stickers.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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