Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
