the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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