Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
two words...techno handjob
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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