I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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