OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
