I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
