He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
sarcasm needs its own font
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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