I want to stick my p in your. b.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
