Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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