I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
