even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
