Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
