Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize