dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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