If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
