**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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