I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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