He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
