we have officially lost it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
