I'm gonna have a badass scar
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
