she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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