im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
