they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
