they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize