Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
