I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
