She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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