Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I did not marry a roomba.
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