so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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