is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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