we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
