Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
