96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
