Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
