Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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