I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
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