well I can't set my house on fire every night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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