I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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