No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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