I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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