ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
