She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
