She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
