I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
