just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
